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Q:

What are some ways to discipline my child without taking away privileges or rewards?

Hi everyone,

I'm a parent of a 9-year-old girl who tends to misbehave at times. I'm looking for some tips on how to discipline her without taking away her privileges or rewards. I don't want to use punishment as my only means of discipline, as I believe in reinforcing positive behavior as well.

Recently, my daughter has been talking back to me and not following my instructions. I feel like I've tried almost everything, from stern talking to, giving timeouts, and taking away her allowance, but nothing seems to work for long.

I want to find a balanced approach to discipline her, where she feels like she's being held accountable for her actions, but not completely deprived of fun activities and rewards such as going out with friends, watching TV, or playing video games.

Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

All Replies

rturner

Hi there,

I faced a similar situation with my 10-year-old daughter. Instead of punishments or taking away privileges, I found it more effective to communicate with her and let her understand the reason behind my decisions.

For example, if she insisted on watching TV just before her bedtime, I would explain to her why it's not good for her health and how it may impact her performance the next day. This would make her more willing to listen to me and understand the reasoning behind certain rules.

I also made sure to listen to her point of view and to be open to compromise when necessary. For instance, if she had completed all her chores for the day and wanted to spend more time with her friends, I would consider extending her curfew time by half an hour or so.

In addition to that, I encouraged her to engage in activities that sparked her interest and offer positive reinforcement of her good behaviors. For instance, if she came back from school with good grades, I would praise her for her efforts and let her choose how to celebrate her achievements.

The key here is to establish a mutual understanding and respect between parent and child. By communicating and listening to each other, you can create a positive and constructive relationship, where discipline becomes less of a chore and more of a natural process.

cecile.cassin

Hello all,

I'm a single parent of three children, ranging in age from 4 to 10 years old, and I would like to share with you some tips on how I discipline my kids without taking away their privileges or rewards.

One of the essential things I do is to remain calm and explain clearly what behavior is expected from them. I find that speaking calmly and respectfully to my children has a more significant impact than getting angry or yelling at them. After they have heard what I want, I then have a clear opportunity to listen and understand their perspectives that helps me to adjust the rules and boundaries of discipline.

Another effective thing is using time-outs when I require a little time to calm down and help my child calm down before discussing what went wrong. This approach gives everyone a chance to gather their thoughts and emotions, enabling a more productive and collaborative discussion.

It's also crucial that my children understand the reasons behind the rules I make. I explain why certain behaviors are not acceptable and the risks and benefits of the rules in practical applications. For instance, I talk about the potential consequences of talking to strangers or touching hot items, which helps them understand why their behavior matters.

Finally, when they do make mistakes, I try to help them focus on making it right instead of punishing them. Instead of taking something away, we talk about how they can use their actions to make up for past mistakes.

In conclusion, for me, the most effective approach to discipline is to remain patient, loving, and firm in communicating the expectations and rules. Keeping a regular and open family discussion about these topics significantly helped me raise my children in a healthy and happy environment.

amos.thiel

Hi there,

I can totally relate to your situation as I have a 7-year-old son who also tends to act up at times. I've found that one effective way to discipline him without taking away his privileges or rewards is to establish clear boundaries and consequences for his negative behavior.

For example, if my son talks back to me, I tell him that it's not acceptable and that if he continues to do so, he won't be able to play with his favorite toy for the rest of the day. This way, he knows what's at stake and is more likely to think twice before behaving badly.

Another thing that has worked for us is positive reinforcement. Whenever my son does something good or follows my instructions, I make sure to praise him and acknowledge his actions. This makes him feel good about himself and encourages him to continue behaving well.

In addition to that, I also try to model the behavior I want to see in my son. If I ask him to speak to me respectfully, I make sure to do the same to him and to others around me. Children learn a lot from what they see and hear, so it's important to lead by example.

Overall, discipline is all about finding what works for you and your child. It may take some trial and error, but with patience and consistency, you'll eventually find a balance that works for both of you.

dtremblay

Hello everyone,

I want to share my experience on how I discipline my 8-year-old son without taking away his privileges or rewards. One of the most effective ways for me has been to redirect his negative behavior through positive reinforcement.

For example, instead of punishing him for not completing his homework on time, I would sit down with him and explain how important it is to manage his time wisely. Then, we would work together to come up with a schedule and a reward system for when he completes his work efficiently.

Additionally, I encourage him to take responsibility for his actions by allowing him to make choices and deal with the consequences that come with it. If he knows that he will lose his playtime if he doesn't finish his chores, it motivates him to complete them without me having to resort to punishment.

Another way that has worked for me is to actively engage in his hobbies and interests. By spending time with him and doing things that he enjoys, I've noticed that he is more inclined to listen to me and follow my instructions. It also strengthens our bond and makes our relationship more positive and communicative.

Overall, I believe that discipline should be a balanced and respectful approach that nurtures the relationship between parent and child. By reinforcing positive behaviors and allowing them to take responsibility for their actions, we create a healthy and happy environment where both parties can flourish.

curtis60

Hi all,

I can relate to this question as I also have a 7-year-old daughter who sometimes needs discipline. One approach that has worked for me is setting clear expectations and boundaries with my daughter so she knows what I expect of her.

For example, I might say to my daughter before going into a store, "If you behave well, you might get a small treat," but then clearly articulate what good behavior entails. This makes it clear what she can expect and how to behave in order to achieve it.

Another strategy that has worked for me is to begin with a gentle conversation about any issues, asking her how she felt about the issue, and then explaining my side of things. This creates a more productive discussion rather than immediately resorting to punishment, and it also helps her feel her opinions are heard and made her more willing to cooperate.

To reinforce positive behaviors, I try to catch her doing something right, such as helping her little brother or being patient while waiting her turn at a game. This encourages her to see the value of positive behavior, instead of just negative consequences, by giving her positive attention and affirming her behavior positively.

In all, it's important to find what works best for both the parent and the child in terms of discipline. By actively reinforcing positive behavior, modeling good behavior, and creating a clear framework of expectations and boundaries, we as parents foster an environment in which children can grow, learn, and thrive.

rwilkinson

Hi everyone,

I am a father of two boys aged 6 and 8 years old, and I'd like to share how I discipline them without taking away their privileges or rewards. One of the strategies that has worked for me is using natural consequences to teach my kids the impact of their actions.

For example, if my son forgets his homework at home, I let him face the consequences at school instead of scolding him or doing the work for him. This way, he learns to take responsibility for his actions and becomes better prepared for the real world.

Another strategy that has worked for me is to give them a warning and a clear expectation of behavior that I want to see changed. I explain to them how their behavior affects the household, and how we can all benefit from a more cooperative approach. This approach has successfully made them more aware of their actions and the impact they have on others.

Another effective discipline technique is to avoid negative labels and instead focus on the behavior. Telling kids that they are naughty, rude or stubborn can stick, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy of negative behavior. Instead, I focus on their actions, and explain to them why the behavior is a problem and how they can change it into something more positive.

In conclusion, discipline is about teaching our children how to be good citizens in a way that builds their self-esteem rather than destroying it. It's important to be consistent, clear, and intentional in our approach so that our children can internalize these values throughout their lives.

brady.hettinger

Hi there,

I'm a parent to a 5-year-old son and would like to share my own experiences on how to discipline my child without taking away his privileges or rewards. Positive reinforcement has been a powerful tool in disciplining my child while also building his self-esteem.

For example, if he completes his assigned chores for the day, I would recognize and praise his actions by saying, "Good job, buddy! I appreciate your help today. Since you've been really helpful, let's go outside and play together." This way, he gets to play and have fun while being positively reinforced for his good behavior.

Moreover, I try to explain to my child the consequences of his actions vs. punishment. Instead of punishing him for doing something wrong, I clarify what went wrong and how he can avoid future wrongdoings. I try to facilitate a conversation that helps him understand his own behavior and how he can make better choices.

I also establish a clear routine and expectation without coercive punishments. I set rules around our bedtime routine, meal times, and designated television time such that he knows what to expect and how life works. This typically goes a long way in reducing any misbehavior without the need for punishment.

Finally, modeling good behavior is essential. It's important to practice what I preach to my child to set a good example on how to behave in the right way.

Overall, it's helpful to remain patient, consistent, and compassionate when it comes to discipline. These steps have helped us find a balance that works for both me and my child, all without taking away his privileges or rewards.

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