Loading Kindness - Spinning Up Mommy Magic

While the Love Loads, Our Spinner Spins. Get Ready to Share, Support, and Bond with Like-minded Moms!

Popular Searches:

What are some strategies for setting boundaries with my child in a gentle way?

Hi everyone,
I'm having a hard time setting boundaries with my six-year-old daughter. She often tests my limits and doesn't seem to take me seriously when I try to enforce rules. I want to find a way to set boundaries that will work without making her feel like I'm constantly scolding her. What are some gentle strategies for setting boundaries with young children? Any personal experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

All Replies


Oh, I understand your frustration. I used to have the same issue with my daughter when she was six. She never used to agree with me and often tried to impose her will. After talking to her counselor, I learned that children need consistency and reasons behind the much-required boundaries.

So, I started creating a routine for her that included regular playtime, fixed meal hours, and set homework times. I also discussed the reasons behind the routines: plan their free time to give them enough room for playing and rest, maintaining regular meal times and fixed hours for home studies help them maintain a structure and discipline the mind. It's useful to teach children about the importance of self-discipline since it will help them control their impulses and emotions in the long run.

I also started rewarding her good behavior. I think this really keeps them on the right path. I gave her points for things like cleaning the table, doing her homework, going to bed without a hassle, or helping out with some household chores. By the end of the week, she could redeem those points for a special reward, like more playtime or a candy bar. I always praised her when she followed the rules and boundaries, which worked better than scolding.

Those strategies worked well, but do remember every child is different. You may not succeed in everything at first try. Be patient and try out different things until you find what works for you and your child.


Hi there,

I can totally relate to your situation. I also have a six-year-old daughter who is full of energy and defiance. One strategy that has worked well for me is to use positive language when setting boundaries. Instead of saying, "Don't do that," I rephrase it as, "Let's try this instead." This way, my daughter doesn't feel like she's being scolded and we can work together to find a solution.

Another strategy that has helped me is to teach my daughter about consequences. For example, if she doesn't clean up her toys before bed, she won't be able to play with them the next day. This gives her a sense of responsibility and helps her take ownership of her actions.

It's also important to be consistent in enforcing boundaries. If I give in once, my daughter will think she can always get her way. So, I make sure to stick to my rules and boundaries, even when it's tough.

Lastly, I try to explain the reasoning behind my boundaries. It helps my daughter understand that I'm not just being strict for no reason. For instance, I might tell her that it's important to wear a helmet when riding her bike because it keeps her safe.

I hope these strategies help you! Remember that every child is different, so it's important to find what works best for you and your daughter. Good luck!


Hey there,

I get how tough it can be to set boundaries with a young child. I have two boys aged seven and eight, and I've struggled with this issue. For me, understanding my children's personality and their unique way of expressing themselves was the first thing I did.

I realized that my youngest son tends to act out when he feels insecure or anxious. So, instead of always correcting or punishing him, I started to spend more quality time with him, listening to his thoughts and feelings, giving him an opportunity to express himself. It helped him calm down, and he stopped being stubborn when we set limits.

I also involve my boys in setting boundaries, rather than imposing them. For instance, we decided jointly to limit tv time and to establish a daily chore list. By involving them, my boys have taken ownership of the boundaries and respect them. They cooperate more.

Furthermore, positive reinforcement is the best method I've found to encourage and reward good behavior. I offer frequent praises, small rewards like books, their favorite snacks, or some outdoor time as an award for their good behavior.

It's essential to be patient and consistent to help your child see that boundaries are necessary and healthy. Be understanding: Children, like adults, are bound to make mistakes; show love, give explanations for the rules, be patient and persistent.

I hope this can help! Remember, you are not alone in this. Every child has their unique needs, so figure out what works for you!


Hi there,

I can completely relate to your situation, the struggle of setting boundaries with a child can be quite real. When my daughter was younger, I also faced similar issues. However, one thing that has significantly helped me is to treat my daughter with respect and remember that she is an individual with her own thoughts and feelings.

I often use positive language and encourage my daughter to express herself freely. When setting limits or boundaries, I try to make sure that she understands the limits' purpose and the logic behind it. For example, instead of saying "no playing with your toys before finishing your homework," I explain that "finishing your homework will give you a sense of accomplishment, and you can enjoy your toys more without feeling guilty." This makes her understand the underlying reason and promotes a mindset of self-control and discipline.

Another thing that worked well for my daughter and me was to be consistent in enforcing the limits we've set. It's essential to be firm and consistent in implementing the limits, no matter how difficult it may seem. I always make sure to follow through with the consequences I've explained.

Lastly, please remember to be compassionate and attune to your child's feelings. Children tend to test limits as part of their growth and to understand their world better. Try to see things from their perspective and be empathetic to their behavior. Remember, we all make mistakes, and parenting is a process of learning and growing together.

I hope some of these strategies will work for you. It's important to try different things out and find what works for you and your child. Good luck!

New to Kind Mommy Community?

Join the community