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Q:

How do I talk to my biological children about our decision to adopt or foster?

Hi everyone,

I am a married woman with three biological children, and my husband and I have been thinking about adopting or fostering a child. We believe this is a great opportunity to expand our family and provide a loving home to a child in need.

However, we are unsure how to talk to our biological children, who are 6, 8, and 10 years old, about this decision. We want to make sure they understand what is happening and are comfortable with the idea.

Have any of you gone through a similar situation? How did you approach the conversation with your children and what did you say? Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

All Replies

mgutkowski

Hello,

I am happy to add to this thread with my personal experience as someone who has adopted two children with a partner. We have no biological children, but we felt that adoption was the right path for us.

When we first decided to adopt, we talked to our extended family and our support network. Then we talked to immediate family members, who included a niece and nephew who were close to our age. We explained to them what adopting meant and what our process entailed. They were excited to have new cousins, and we felt happy with their positive response.

When our children came home, they were 5 and 9 years old. They adjusted well, and our niece and nephew helped fill the role of the older siblings. Initially, there were some challenges and concerns that we had to work through as a family, but we faced them together.

We talked openly and honestly about the adoption, and we allowed the children to ask any questions they had. We also made sure that our practice of spending quality family time remained an integral part of our daily routine.

It's important to keep in mind that children are resilient, and with the right support, they can adapt to new changes. Loving them and creating an environment of acceptance in which they feel included and loved can make such a significant positive impact.

Adopting children was one of the best decisions that we have ever made, and we are grateful for our supportive family network. I hope this helps, and I am here to answer any further questions you may have!

nelda33

Hi there,

I can definitely relate to your situation as my husband and I went through the same thing a few years ago. At the time, our biological children were 4 and 7 years old, and we were considering fostering.

When we brought up the idea to our children, we kept it simple and explained that there are children in the world who don't have families to take care of them, and we wanted to help one of those children by giving them a home and love. We emphasized that they would always be our children and that this wouldn't change, but we would be adding another child to our family.

We also asked them how they felt about it and if they had any questions. They were curious and had a few concerns, but overall, they were supportive.

One thing that helped was reading books about adoption and fostering together as a family. It gave us an opportunity to answer any questions they had and helped them understand what to expect.

Overall, our experience was positive, and we feel grateful that we were able to provide a loving home to a child in need while still maintaining a strong bond with our biological children. I wish you all the best as you navigate this decision and talk to your children.

curtis60

Hello,

I'd like to share my experience with you as a fellow parent who has been in your shoes. I am the mother of one biological child, and my husband and I decided to adopt a baby girl a few years ago.

We talked to our biological child about our decision as soon as we made the decision. We kept our conversation age-appropriate and straightforward. We emphasized that our love as parents would remain the same, and we wanted to provide a loving and nurturing home to a child who needed one.

We involved our biological child in the adoption process. We talked about the paperwork we needed to fill, the process for visiting the baby, and the process of bringing the baby home. We encouraged our child to pick out a special outfit for our new daughter and select toys to share with her.

We also talked about how it would be great for them to have a sibling to grow up with, share memories with and have a lifelong friend. We were happy that our child was excited and supportive of the idea of having a new sibling.

After we brought our new daughter home, we made sure our biological child felt included and loved. We took special care of our child, and we made sure to spend quality time with each of them.

In conclusion, it's essential to keep your conversation age-appropriate, involve your children in the process, and remind your children that your love for them will always be the same. Your biological children can become great siblings, and the family will bond as they work together.

mueller.dulce

Hello,

I completely understand your concerns as my family had a similar experience. My partner and I decided to adopt a child, and we had to talk to our biological children, who were 11 and 13 years old at the time.

We held a family meeting and explained our decision to adopt as a way to share the love and happiness we have as a family. We emphasized the importance of family and extending it to include people in need. We also made it clear that our decision to adopt wouldn't change the amount of love and attention they would receive from us.

We answered their questions, concerns, and doubts about the adoption process with honesty and openness. It was crucial for us to create a safe space to discuss any topic without judgment.

It was important for us to involve our children in every aspect of the adoption process, including choosing our adoption agency, deciding on the child's gender, age, and nationality. This helped them have a sense of ownership and incorporate the new member of our family into their lives even before their arrival.

We had an overall positive experience, and our family has grown ever since. I am happy to share my experience and offer any advice for your journey.

tanya.effertz

Dear fellow parent,

I am glad that you are considering adoption or foster care, and I am happy to share my experience with you. My husband and I have three biological children, aged 9, 11, and 13, and we decided to foster a child.

We talked to our biological children about our decision in a family meeting, just like the other users in this thread. We explained to them that some children don't have a family to look after them, and we could give them a home, love, and stability. We also highlighted the fact that we would be helping a child, and it would have a positive impact on them.

We gave them a chance to ask any questions they had, and we answered them with honesty and age-appropriate language. We also shared stories of other families who had gone through similar situations, and how they had become a stronger family as a result.

We made sure to involve our biological children in the fostering process, which included choosing the age group of the child we would welcome into our home. It made them feel included and gave them something to look forward to.

As the fostering process began, we made sure that our biological children understood their role as a host family and treated the foster child with kindness and respect. We planned some fun activities, and we all made an effort to make the new child feel welcome.

Looking back, I am happy to say that our decision to foster has been a positive experience. Our biological children have understood the value of giving back to society and considering the needs of others. They learned tolerance, empathy, and kindness, which are essential qualities to have. It's been great for our family, and we are sure your family will have a similar bonding experience.

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