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How can I talk to my children about the concept of chosen family, and explain the role that it plays in queer communities?

Hello everyone,

I am a proud parent of two amazing kids, and as they grow up, I want to make sure that I help them understand and appreciate all the different types of families out there. Specifically, I want to have a conversation with them about the concept of "chosen family" and how it plays a significant role in the queer community.

I believe that it's so important for my children to understand that not all families are the same, and that there are many different ways to form strong bonds and connections with people who love and support us. I want to explain to them that in the queer community, chosen family refers to a group of friends, mentors, and allies who come together to provide each other with emotional support, acceptance, and a sense of belonging.

I'm hoping that some of you can help me out with some tips and advice on how to approach this conversation with my kids. How can I best explain the concept of chosen family in a way that is age-appropriate, respectful, and inclusive? How can I help them understand the importance of this concept, even if it may be different from what they're used to? Any insights or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your help!

All Replies


Hi everyone,

I appreciate the topic that is being discussed here because I think that chosen family has a significant influence on LGBTQ+ communities. I am a part of the queer community, and I have seen many of my fellow community members form critical bonds with their chosen families.

I believe that the concept of chosen family becomes especially significant in the context of unsupportive, intolerant family dynamics that many queer people experience. Enhancing this discussion with children would involve explaining to them that chosen family allows queer people to form nurturing, compassionate bonds with people who truly understand them and who can provide much-needed emotional support when their primary family cannot.

In my case, my chosen family helped me feel a sense of acceptance and belonging that I never received within my biological family. My chosen family members have always been my biggest supporters and have helped me through some of the roughest patches of my life. I want kids to understand that just because you don't have the same blood, your connection to another person could be just as meaningful, and that families come in all shapes and sizes.

I believe that it's essential to talk to our children about concepts like chosen family if we want them to be accepting, empathetic, and inclusive people. Understanding this concept can help promote a world where people are not treated with disdain because they are different from their biological family but appreciated for the family they have chosen for themselves.


Hello, everyone!

This is an important discussion, and I'm glad to see it being raised. As a member of the queer community, I can attest to the powerful impact of chosen families.

I grew up in a traditional family setting and had a difficult time accepting my queer identity. Despite my biological family's supports, I still felt like an outsider and struggled with feelings of loneliness and confusion. About ten years ago, I began to surround myself with a small group of people who became my chosen family.

My chosen family members consist of a few close friends who are also part of the queer community. It's amazing to feel like I have people who truly "get" me and can relate to my experiences. They've been there for me through the difficult times, helping me navigate the choppy waters of coming out, facing discrimination, and finding myself as a queer adult.

When it comes to discussing the concept of chosen family with kids, I believe it's important to focus on the love and support that comes with having a chosen family. Chosen family members can play many roles, from best friend to mentor to parent-figure, and they are all united by a shared bond of love and respect.

One way to approach this conversation with children is to talk about how individuals can choose the people they surround themselves with and the reasons they may do so. We can teach children that the most vital thing is finding a supportive community, rather than adhering to traditional familial structures.

In conclusion, chosen family is essential for many members of the LGBTQ+ community, and it's essential for children to learn about this concept. The recognition and importance of chosen families can help demonstrate that true family is one that provides caring convenience while encouraging individuals to find and nurture the relationships that support them.


Hi there!

I can definitely relate to wanting to have this kind of conversation with kids. As a queer person myself, I grew up in a family that was not very accepting of LGBTQ+ identities. It wasn't until I found my chosen family in college that I truly felt like I had a support system that understood me and accepted me for who I am.

When it comes to talking to kids about chosen family, I think it's important to emphasize the idea that family is not just about blood relations or legal paperwork. Family is about the people who love and support you unconditionally, who make you feel safe and seen, and who share similar values and experiences. In the queer community, chosen family often plays this role because traditional family structures may not be accepting or understanding of LGBTQ+ individuals.

One way to approach this conversation with younger children is to use examples from popular culture that they may be familiar with. For example, you could talk about how Harry, Hermione, and Ron form a chosen family in the Harry Potter series, or how the Avengers rely on each other as a chosen family to save the world. You could explain that these characters may not be related by blood, but they share a deep bond and look out for each other no matter what.

Overall, I think it's great that you want to have this conversation with your kids and help them understand the diversity that exists within families. I believe that teaching tolerance and acceptance at a young age is key to creating a more inclusive and compassionate society.


Hi everyone!

This question resonates strongly with me because, as a queer person, chosen family has been an incredibly critical component of my life. I grew up feeling isolated and alone due to a lack of unconditional acceptance from family members, but I found the sense of community and belonging I needed in my chosen family.

My chosen family is made up of close friends whom I've known for years. They are people who have loved and supported me through ups and downs, who have celebrated my achievements with me, cried with me when I've been hurt, and pushed me to be my best self.

I think that having a conversation about chosen family with children can be approached from the perspective of the importance of emotional bonds we create, rather than focusing on the traditional definition of family. It's essential to explain to kids that just because someone is not related by blood doesn't mean that the connection between them can't be strong and meaningful.

I think that parents can discuss how everyone deserves to have a support network of people who love them unconditionally and can help them with their struggles through ups and downs. And that sometimes the people we choose to be our family provide essential emotional networks that mold our experiences.

I firmly believe that chosen family can be a lifeline for queer individuals, providing much-needed love and support when traditional family bonds haven't been enough. It's important to highlight that chosen family is not a choice anyone makes lightly but is a meaningful, intentional decision that offers profound rewards.

In conclusion, chosen family is a concept that deserves attention because it can provide warmth, belonging, and support that may not be found within traditional forms of family. Ensuring that children understand the concept of chosen family can help them in developing empathy, tolerance towards other people's experiences, and build stronger bonds, finding love wherever it can be found.


Hello Everyone!

I think this is an essential question and that it is great to see parents wanting to have this conversation with their children. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I have seen the positive impact of chosen families in my friend's lives.

While my biological family has always been accepting of me as a queer person, I have still come to depend on my chosen family. They have become my sounding board - the people who know me best, and with whom I can talk about pretty much anything.

The concept of chosen family gave me a way to connect with like-minded people with whom I could share the joys and struggles of being queer-plus my other interests! I don't think it's overstating things to say that my chosen family has been a lifeline - helping me through some of the most challenging periods of my life.

When it comes to explaining the concept of chosen family to children, I think it's important to highlight that families come in all shapes and sizes. Just because someone doesn't share the same blood or isn't legally related doesn't mean they can't be considered family.

Chosen families can include friends, coworkers, mentors, neighbors, and other people that one looks up to and perceives as loved ones.

I believe that having a chosen family is a vital part of many peoples' lives, and it can often make an enormous difference in their overall wellbeing. Helping children understand the significance of chosen families will not only help create a more accepting society, but it will also teach the children that love can come from accepting places, and that they need not depend on what society deems as the traditional familial structure.

In conclusion, chosen families are an integral part of the LGBTQ+ community, and it's important to convey the concept to children in a way that promotes understanding and inclusivity. Family is about love and support, and showing children that a chosen family can provide that, too, will only help foster stronger relationships and more accepting societies in the future.


Hello everyone,

I think that it's great that the question of chosen family is being raised, as it's a vital concept in the queer community. To share my personal experience, I would say that chosen families have played a critical role in my life as a queer person.

As I grew up, I faced alienation, poor treatment, and intolerance from my biological family due to my sexual orientation. Though my chosen family did not consist of people who identified as queer themselves, they still provided me with a sense of support and love that I had never experienced before.

In hindsight, I think that the concept of chosen family played a significant role in allowing me to love myself and achieve things that would have seemed impossible without them. I saw in them the same values that I held close to myself, the unwavering support they provided and the compassion they offered me has helped me survive in some tough times.

Explaining the concept of chosen family to children can be difficult, but I would try to emphasize the idea that family is not just about blood relations, but about the connections that we form through shared interests, backgrounds, and desires to find support in one another. The most important thing to highlight is that the love, acceptance, and support that we receive from our chosen family can make us feel more comfortable and understood, which is important for everyone's well-being.

In conclusion, I completely agree that explaining the concept of chosen family to our children is essential, and can help them become more accepting of differences and build up a world where people are appreciated based on the family they have embraced for their own.


Hey everyone!

As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I have been fortunate enough to have a chosen family that has been loving and supportive in ways that my biological family has not. What I find truly remarkable about the concept of chosen family is that it allows people to create meaningful relationships outside of traditional structures.

Growing up as a queer individual, it was not always easy to have difficult conversations with my biological family. When I came out, the initial response was not what I hoped for, so I turned to my chosen family for support, affirming the life I wanted to lead, and for empathizing with my struggle.

The idea of chosen family and its significance in the queer community provides people with an opportunity to find others with shared experiences, challenges, and concerns. This is an important bond especially when one may not have the support of their biological family members. I found that my chosen family became my community, which fostered a sense of inclusion and belonging that I had always lacked previously.

When it comes to having conversations with children about chosen family, I think emphasizing the importance of having a network of people in one's life that provides love, support and encouragement is crucial. Explaining to children that a chosen family is a group of people who genuinely care about one other and often fill the gaps left by traditional forms of family would help them understand the concept better.

In conclusion, chosen family is critical when it comes to having a sense of belonging and emotional support, especially for members of the LGBTQ+ community. Having conversations around this topic with children is vital in promoting acceptance and understanding, in order for them to grow up with the ability to make nonjudgemental and empathetic connections, regardless of the type or gender of the people they choose to celebrate as family.

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