Loading Kindness - Spinning Up Mommy Magic

While the Love Loads, Our Spinner Spins. Get Ready to Share, Support, and Bond with Like-minded Moms!

Popular Searches:

How can I help my stepchildren feel included and involved in family decisions and activities?

Hi everyone,

I'm a new stepmother to two wonderful children, ages 9 and 11. I'm looking for some advice on how to help them feel included and involved in the family. I want them to know that they are a valued part of our family and that their opinions and ideas matter.

My husband and I have joint custody, so the children spend one week with us and one week with their biological mother. We have a good relationship with their mother and communicate well regarding the children, but I'm still trying to navigate how to create a cohesive family dynamic.

Any tips or suggestions on how to involve the children in family decisions and activities would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

All Replies



As a stepmother to two teenagers and one toddler, I know how challenging it can be to integrate a stepparent into a blended family. One of the best strategies in blending is not to force the situation, but rather allow the relationship to develop organically.

One major hurdle blended families face is dealing with differences in parenting styles. In such cases, it's essential to have a conversation with your partner to identify common ground and set boundaries that work for both of you.

Another effective strategy in blending families is to create positive reinforcement by finding things to appreciate about each other. Regardless of the difficulties, there's always something to be grateful for. When we recognise the good qualities in one another, it helps to build a peaceful and cohesive family.

Also, it's essential to have individual relationships with each child, spending one on one time with them, and taking an interest in their hobbies and lives. This is essential as they'll come with different experiences, needs and wants, and creating a bond unique to each one helps to establish trust and gain their respect.

Lastly, tell them often that you love and appreciate them. Verbal affirmations aid bonding and create an atmosphere of love and respect.

In conclusion, blending families can be challenging, but it's also very rewarding. Take time to understand the children and show them love and respect. With patience, respect, and honesty, you can create a happy, inclusive, and loving blended family.



As a stepmother and mother to three kids, I'm aware of what you're going through with your stepchildren. One of the most important things in building a blended family is to create a comfortable and welcoming atmosphere for everyone.

One of the ways I make sure everyone feels included and involved is by checking in with them daily. I try to make myself approachable and available for them to discuss anything that's on their minds.

Another tip is to make sure you set expectations and stick to them. This creates stability for the children, and they feel confident knowing they are part of a routine. For example, we have allocated study hours where each child sits down to do their homework.

Further still, I encourage you to celebrate their achievements - big and small. It goes a long way in making them feel valued and acknowledged.

Lastly, if possible, have some alone time to bond with each stepchild. By doing so, you build a trusting relationship and make them feel valued.

In all, as you blend families, remember there will be challenges, but it's not impossible to have a successful blended family. With efforts and time, you can create a harmonious environment for everyone.



As a stepfather to two beautiful girls, I understand how daunting it can be to blend families. One of the most significant hurdle many blended families face is getting the children to open up and express themselves.

Based on my experience, one of the best ways to make them feel involved is to praise and encourage them often, even for the smallest of things. This helps to build their confidence and make them feel capable and valued.

Another strategy that has worked well for us is to have a designated family meeting time. This gives the kids the opportunity to voice their concerns, opinions, and suggestions. It's always eye-opening to see what they have to contribute to the discussion.

Additionally, involving your stepchildren in your interests or hobbies can be rewarding. When coming up with ideas for family fun nights or weekend activities, take into account their interests, whether it’s sport, music, or cooking. You’d be surprised how engaged and enthusiastic the children will become.

Finally, one of the most important things I’ve learned is to be patient when it comes to building relationships with my stepdaughters. It takes time, and it may not always go according to plan, but developing trust is crucial.

In conclusion, building a blended family takes patience and consistency, but it's important to keep in mind that everyone is different and will need time to adjust. With the right approach, you can create a happy, loving, and inclusive household.


Hi there,

I can definitely relate to your situation as I am also a stepmother to two amazing kids aged 10 and 12. It was challenging at first for me to find my place in their lives and create a blended family, but with time and effort, it's gotten a lot easier.

One thing that has helped us tremendously is having family meetings. We set aside time once a week to discuss any upcoming events, plans, or concerns we may have. This way, the children feel included in the decision-making process and their opinions are heard.

Another tip is to involve the children in the planning of family activities. For example, we allow our kids to suggest ideas for weekend outings or family game nights. This way, they feel like they have a say in what we do as a family, and not just passive participants.

Lastly, I make it a point to spend one-on-one time with each child. Whether it's a trip to the park or a movie night, this individual time helps to build a stronger bond and shows them that I value them as individuals.

I hope these tips help you in forming a strong and loving blended family.


Hi there,

As a stepmom to three children ranging from ages 5 to 14, integrating them into our family dynamic was no easy task. However, one of the most effective ways we've found to make them feel included is to establish routines and traditions.

For example, on Sunday afternoons we have a family game night, and on Friday afternoons, we go to the park. By establishing these routines, they know what to expect, and any other activities around these routines are planned together.

Another way we've made them feel like they're a part of our family is by letting them help with household chores. This way, they feel like they are contributing, and we value their efforts.

Furthermore, communication is key for a blended family. We've found it helpful to have an open-door policy and encourage the kids to talk about anything they want. We also try as much as possible to involve their biological parents in their lives to avoid any conflicts or confusion.

In conclusion, building a strong and loving blended family takes patience, commitment, and lots of teamwork. I hope these suggestions help in your journey, and I wish you all the best!


Hi everyone,

As a stepmom, one of the most challenging things we had to overcome to create a harmonious and inclusive family was communication. It was critical to create an open-door policy, ensure everyone felt heard, and understood their role in the family dynamic.

One of the essential things that helped us establish an inclusive family was to create a shared activity or hobby that everyone could participate in. For example, we took up hiking as a family. This gave us an opportunity to bond, explore nature, and get some exercise.

Another tip is to provide the children with structured roles within the family, such as being responsible for cleaning the living room or feeding pets. This helps to create a sense of ownership and pride in the household, which foster inclusion.

Also, consider having family meals together, which create the perfect opportunity to catch-up, discuss family issues, or just have an enjoyable time together. These non-stressful moments give everyone a chance to discuss concerns, share ideas and create memories.

I hope these suggestions help you in your efforts to create a harmonious and inclusive blended family. Remember, communication is the key, even if it's challenging at times, it is worth it to create a positive environment for everyone.


Hi there,

As someone who has been a stepmom for over a decade, I can attest to the importance of building a close-knit blended family. One effective way to do this is by involving the kids in decision-making.

For instance, when we’re planning a family vacation, we let each child vote on the location, activities, and mode of transportation. This helps us to identify what everyone is looking for and plan accordingly.

Another way to make the children feel like they are part of the family is by joining their interests. For example, if one of your stepchildren is interested in soccer, you can attend their games, coach their practice or help them pick out the best gear.

In addition, it is vital to give each child their space and time to unwind. Doing so will help them feel relaxed and comfortable being themselves.

Lastly, it's essential to maintain effective communication between yourself, the children, and their biological parents. I'm sure you understand this already, but it is a critical aspect of successful blending.

In conclusion, blending families is not always easy, but with some effort and understanding, you can create a happy and successful blended family.


Hi there,

As a stepmother of two teenagers, I understand the challenges of trying to create a cohesive family dynamic. My key to success is to listen actively to the kids and involve them in family decisions.

One technique that worked well for us is to rotate the decision-making process. For example, one week the kids get to choose the family activity, another week me and my hubby decide, and so on. This way, they have a voice in what we do as a family and they feel included.

Another tip to help them feel involved is to ask their opinion when making important family decisions. For instance, when we were moving houses, we let them tour the new place with us and gave them the chance to voice their expectations.

Finally, in my experience, it's necessary to be respectful of the children's biological parents. I encourage my stepkids to talk openly with their mom about family issues, and in turn, we have established a more positive relationship.

I hope these pointers help you navigate your blended family and build strong bonds with your stepchildren.

New to Kind Mommy Community?

Join the community