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Q:

How can I help my children feel safe and secure in a blended family, especially if they have experienced a previous divorce or separation?

Hi everyone,

I am a mother of two children aged 8 and 10, and I recently got remarried to a wonderful man who also has a child of similar age. We are now a blended family, and while we are all excited about the new changes, I am worried about how my children will adjust to the new family dynamic.

Both my children have already experienced a divorce in their lives, and I am afraid that they might feel insecure or unsafe in this new family setting. I want to do everything I can to ensure that they feel loved and comfortable, and that they develop a good relationship with their step-sibling.

If anyone has tips or suggestions on how I can help my children feel safe and secure in a blended family, especially if they have gone through a previous divorce or separation, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance!

All Replies

vincenzo65

Hello,

I can relate to your situation as I'm a child of a blended family, and my parents divorced when I was eight years old. So, when my mother remarried, I was already familiar with the idea of having a blended family.

What helped me to feel safe and secure in the situation was the positive relationship between my stepfather and my mother. They worked together to create a stable and loving environment for me and my siblings that helped us to ease into the changes.

Also, my stepfather didn't try to replace my biological father, he made it clear that he was there to support us and be a positive presence in our lives. This helped me and my siblings to see him as an addition to our family rather than a replacement.

As a family, we also created new traditions and routines that worked for us as a blended family. By doing so, we felt like we were building something new together, which helped to build a sense of togetherness within the family.

Lastly, communication was key. My stepfather frequently checked in on us, and we always felt comfortable talking to him about our feelings and concerns. This open communication helped us to feel like we had a voice within the blended family dynamic.

In summary, creating a positive relationship between the adults, clear communication, and involving the children in building new family traditions can help make them feel safe and secure in a blended family.

lillie.goodwin

Hi there,

As a step-parent, I can totally understand your concern in making your children feel safe and secure in a blended family. I have a six-year-old stepdaughter, and I know how important it is to create an environment where she feels comfortable and loved.

One thing that has been helpful for us is to have a conversation about boundaries and expectations. We talked about what was and wasn't okay to discuss or do around me, and vice versa, which helped to set clear boundaries and limit any potential conflicts.

Another thing that has worked well for us is to establish family routines and traditions. We have set times for meals and family activities, which helps to create a sense of structure and routine in the household. We've also created a few new traditions as a blended family that we all enjoy, like game night or going for walks together.

Finally, I think it's crucial for us as step-parents to be patient and understanding. It takes time for children to adjust to changes, especially in a blended family. I try to keep my expectations realistic and understand that building a relationship with my stepdaughter might take time.

I hope these tips help, and I wish you all the best in your blended family journey!

shaley

Hi there,

I can relate to your situation as my parents divorced when I was a child, and later my mother remarried, creating a blended family situation. It was tough at first for me and my brother to adjust, but eventually, we adapted to the changes.

One thing that helped us to feel safe was when both my mother and stepfather involved us in decision-making. They consulted with us and solicited our views on matters that concerned us, which made us feel respected and included in the family dynamics.

Additionally, my mother encouraged my brother and I to spend quality time with our stepfather, participating in activities that we all enjoyed. My stepfather also took the time to get to know us and our interests, which eventually helped us to form a strong bond with him.

Lastly, my mother always tried to maintain a healthy relationship with my dad, which prevented any potential conflicts from spilling over into our family life.

Overall, communication, respect, and efforts to create a sense of belonging for both the children and the new member of the family can help your children feel safe and secure in a blended family. Good luck!

irving.becker

Hi there,

I can definitely relate to your situation as my parents got divorced when I was six years old, and both of them remarried shortly after. As a child, it was difficult for me to adjust to the new family dynamic, but I eventually learned to adapt and accept the changes.

One thing that helped me feel safe and secure in the blended family was when my parents took the time to sit down and talk to me about the new changes. They reassured me that they still loved me and that I was still an important part of their lives. They also encouraged me to talk about my feelings and concerns openly, which made me feel heard and understood.

Another thing that helped was when both my step-parents made an effort to get to know me and my interests. We did activities together as a family, and I gradually formed a good relationship with my step-siblings.

Overall, I think it's important to communicate openly and honestly with your children, make them feel valued and loved, and create a welcoming atmosphere for everyone in the family. Good luck!

hulda77

Hi,

I can relate to your situation as I have gone through a similar experience as a child in a blended family. My mom remarried when I was 10 years old, and my siblings and I had to adjust to having a new stepfather in our lives.

What really helped us to feel safe and secure was when my stepfather took a passive approach to parenting at first. He did not try to discipline us or make any significant changes in our routines right away. Instead, he allowed us to take our time to adjust to the changes and form our own relationship with him. This went a long way in making us feel comfortable and safe with him.

Another thing that helped us was open communication. My stepfather made an effort to sit down with each of us individually and discuss any concerns or issues we had. This allowed us to feel heard and understood, and it also helped to dispel any doubts or uneasiness we had.

Lastly, creating a positive environment for the whole family was important. We frequently did fun activities together as a family, like cooking or going on road trips, and this helped to create a sense of unity and bonding between us all.

Overall, I think taking a passive approach, encouraging open communication, and creating a positive environment are key factors in making children feel safe and secure in a blended family. Good luck!

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