Loading Kindness - Spinning Up Mommy Magic

While the Love Loads, Our Spinner Spins. Get Ready to Share, Support, and Bond with Like-minded Moms!

Popular Searches:

How can I handle situations where my child is being aggressive or hurtful towards others in a gentle way?

Hi everyone,

I'm a parent of a 5-year-old boy and I'm facing a difficult situation with him. Lately, he has been getting aggressive and hurtful towards other kids, both at home and in his daycare. He hits, kicks and sometimes even bites his playmates. As a parent, it's heartbreaking to see him behave like this and I'm desperate to find ways to handle this situation in a gentle way.

I'm not sure why he's behaving like this, but I suspect it may be due to frustration or jealousy. Regardless of the reason, I want to address this behavior before it escalates and becomes a bigger issue. I don't want my child to be known as the 'bully' in his daycare, and more importantly, I don't want him to cause harm to others.

So, I would really appreciate if you could share your experiences and suggestions on how I can handle this situation in a gentle way. How can I talk to him about why his behavior is not acceptable, and teach him to be kind and respectful towards others? Any tips, advice or resources would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

All Replies


Hi there,

I understand how hard it is to see your child become aggressive towards others. My 6-year-old son went through a phase like this when he started attending a new school, and it was really tough on both of us. However, we found a few strategies that helped improve his behavior.

One thing that was very helpful was creating a consistent routine. We made sure that he had regular meal times, nap times, and play times. We also made sure that we spent quality time with him every day. This helped him feel more secure and gave him a sense of structure.

Another thing that was helpful was setting clear boundaries and consequences. We told him that hitting, kicking, or biting were not acceptable, and that there would be consequences if he did those things. We also made sure that the consequences were consistent and appropriate for his age.

We also spent a lot of time talking to him about his feelings and trying to understand why he was acting out. We used simple language that he could understand, and we validated his feelings. This helped him feel heard and understood, and it also gave us a chance to teach him better ways to express himself.

Lastly, we used positive reinforcement to reward good behavior. We made a point to praise him whenever he was playing nicely or being kind to others. We also used sticker charts to track his progress and gave him treats when he achieved certain goals.

In conclusion, while it can be challenging to handle aggressive behavior in children, there are many strategies that can help. With patience and consistency, you can help your child learn healthier ways to express themselves and interact with others.


Hey there,

I can understand how difficult it can be when your little ones start showing signs of aggressive behavior. My son went through a similar phase when he was younger, and it's not always easy to know how to react.

What worked for us was trying to understand the underlying reasons behind his behavior. We often found that he was acting out because he was feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or misunderstood. In such situations, we would try to take him to a quiet corner and have a one-on-one conversation with him. We used a calm and friendly tone to reassure him that it was okay to feel the way he did and that we were there to help him.

We also taught him simple techniques like deep breathing exercises and counting to 10, which he could use to calm down in case he felt overwhelmed. It took some time, but eventually, he started using these coping mechanisms when he was feeling upset, instead of lashing out.

Lastly, we made sure to always communicate with his teachers and caregivers at daycare. We would let them know about his behavior and work together with them to find solutions. We found that having a consistent approach both at home and at daycare greatly helped him.

Remember, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. But with patience, understanding, and a bit of trial and error, you can help your child overcome their aggressive behavior.


Hi there,

I can totally relate to your situation as my 5-year-old daughter went through a similar phase during her early childhood. Teaching her positive behavior took some time, but we finally found a helpful approach that worked for us.

One thing that helped us was to communicate openly and honestly with our daughter. We asked her how she was feeling and tried to understand any underlying reasons behind her behavior. This helped her to open up and to feel heard and understood.

Next, we tried to model positive behavior as much as possible. We showed her how we resolve conflicts without resorting to anger, and how we express ourselves without hurting others. Children learn a lot by watching their parents, so setting a good example is really important.

Then, we started using positive language and reinforcement. We praised her good behavior, and gave her verbal stickers for being kind or helpful to others. This helped to reinforce positive behavior and let her know that it's appreciated.

Lastly, we ensured that we provided extra love and attention whenever she displayed negative behavior. We tried to find ways to connect with her and show that we loved her, no matter what. This helped to make her feel secure and able to work through her emotions.

Just remember, every child is unique and it's important to find an approach that works for both them and the parents. Be patient and positive, and your child will soon learn to express themselves in healthier and more appropriate ways.


Hi there,

I completely understand how difficult it can be when your child starts acting aggressively towards others. My 3-year-old son has been experiencing the same thing lately, and it's definitely challenging to handle.

One thing that has helped us is to talk to him about his behavior in a way that he can understand. We use simple language that he can relate to, like "hitting hurts" or "we need to use our words, not our hands." It's also important to remain calm and patient when speaking to your child about their behavior. Kids can sense when we are anxious or angry, and it can make them feel even worse.

Another thing that has helped us is redirection. Whenever we see our son becoming frustrated or upset, we try to redirect his attention towards something else. For example, we might suggest that he read a book, play with a puzzle, or go outside and run around. This helps to distract him from whatever is bothering him, and it can reduce the likelihood that he will lash out.

Lastly, we've been working on teaching him empathy towards others. We talk about how it might feel if someone hit him or took away his toy. We also try to remind him that it's important to treat others the way we want to be treated.

Remember that every child is different, and what might work for one may not work for another. The important thing is to remain patient and consistent in your approach. With time, your child will learn better ways to express themselves and interact with others.


Hi there,

I completely understand where you're coming from. My 6-year-old daughter struggled with similar behaviors when she was younger, and it was a challenging time for us.

One thing that helped us was having regular conversations about empathy and what it means to be kind to others. We would talk about how our actions can impact other people's feelings and try to put ourselves in their shoes. It took some time, but eventually, my daughter started to understand that hurting others wasn't the right way to express her feelings.

Another thing that helped was teaching her alternative ways to express her emotions. We came up with phrases like "I'm feeling frustrated" or "I need some space" that she could use when she was upset. This helped her communicate her feelings without resorting to physical aggression.

Finally, we made sure to praise her when she showed kindness towards others. We would highlight specific instances where she had been helpful or considerate and tell her how proud we were of her.

It sounds like you're already on the right track by wanting to address this behavior in a gentle way. Just know that it takes time and patience, but with consistency, your child can learn to be kind and respectful towards others. Best of luck!



I can definitely understand how concerning it is to see your child behaving aggressively towards others. My 4-year-old daughter has just started daycare and has been struggling with similar behavior.

One thing that has helped us is to set clear boundaries and rules at home. We make sure that our daughter understands that hitting, kicking, or biting others is not acceptable and will have consequences such as being sent to her room or losing screen time privileges.

We have also been working on helping her identify and regulate her emotions. We use games like "feelings flashcards" to help her understand different emotions and how to cope with them. We also practice breathing exercises together which have helped her when she is feeling upset.

Another thing that has helped is modeling appropriate behavior. We make a point to show her how to share, take turns, and practice empathy towards others. It's important to remember that children often learn by example so it's good to model the behavior we expect from them.

Lastly, we try to practice positive reinforcement. We praise her when she is behaving well, and we try to catch her being good. For example, when we see her sharing her toys, we make sure to give her a high-five or a hug and tell her how proud we are of her.

I hope some of these ideas help, and I wish you luck as you work through this challenging time with your child.



I can relate to your situation as my 4-year-old daughter went through a similar phase recently. One thing that helped us was to pay attention to her triggers. We noticed that certain situations, like having to share toys or feeling left out in group play, would often lead to her aggressive behavior. By identifying these triggers, we were able to anticipate her behavior and redirect her before she acted out.

Another strategy that worked for us was to teach her alternative ways to communicate her emotions. We encouraged her to use words like "I feel angry" or "I feel frustrated," instead of hitting or biting. We also practiced positive affirmations daily, reminding her that she is strong, brave, and loved.

We also found that involving her in self-regulation activities helped. We practiced deep breathing exercises together and made sure she had plenty of physical activity outdoors to release pent-up energy.

Lastly, we made sure to reinforce her good behavior through positive reinforcement like stickers, high fives, and verbal affirmations. We tried to catch her being kind to others and praised her for it. This helped to build her self-esteem and showed her that her good behavior was appreciated and rewarded.

It's important to remember that every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. But by approaching the situation with patience, love, and consistency, you can help your child overcome their aggressive behavior and learn healthier ways to express themselves.



I can totally relate to your situation as I have a 5-year-old son who went through a tough phase of aggression towards other kids as well. We were at a loss initially but tried some techniques that seemed to work for him.

One of the first things we did was to try and identify triggers that caused him to act out. We noticed that he was more likely to be aggressive when he was hungry, tired or overstimulated. We started making sure that he had plenty of rest, healthy food, and downtime which seemed to help his moods and behavior.

We also spoke to him about respect, boundaries, and how causing harm or upset to others is not acceptable. We helped him understand how his actions could hurt others and encouraged him to find other ways to express himself. We suggested that he could use words and express his feelings in a non-violent way.

Lastly, we encouraged positive behavior through praise and rewards. When he showed kindness or empathy towards others, we made sure to acknowledge it and rewarded him for it. Kids thrive on positive reinforcement, and it made him feel good to know that he was doing the right thing.

It's important to remember that every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. But with perseverance and a caring approach, you will find what works best for your child. It may take time, but eventually, you will see a positive change in your child's behavior.

New to Kind Mommy Community?

Join the community