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Q:

Can anyone share their experiences of coming out to their children as a queer parent, and how they approached the conversation?

Hello everyone,

I am a 35-year-old woman who recently came out as queer to my husband and close friends. I've been married to my husband for 7 years and we have two children together, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old. Coming out to my husband and friends was difficult, but they have been supportive of me.

Now, I am struggling with how to approach coming out to my children. I want to be honest with them about who I am, but I also don't want to confuse them or make them feel uncomfortable. I am looking for advice and personal experiences of other parents who have come out to their children.

How did you approach the conversation? How old were your children when you came out to them? How did they react? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

All Replies

rahsaan84

Hello,

I'm a 40-year-old queer mother, and I recently came out to my 9-year-old son. It was a big step for me, and I was worried about how he would react.

I decided to approach the conversation with honesty and openness. I explained to him what it means to be queer and that it's okay to love anyone you want, regardless of gender. I told him that I'm attracted to both men and women, and that this is just a part of who I am.

My son took it really well, and I could see that he was genuinely happy that I was sharing this part of myself with him. He asked some questions about what it means to be queer, and we talked about how people sometimes face challenges and discrimination because of their identity.

One thing that helped me was to emphasize that love is love, and that my identity doesn't change the fact that I love him and his father. I also reminded him that he can always come to me with questions or concerns, and that we can talk about anything he wants.

My advice to anyone considering coming out to their children is to trust your relationship with them. Kids are more perceptive than we sometimes give them credit for, and they can sense when something is important. By approaching the conversation with honesty and an open heart, you can help your child understand and appreciate this important part of who you are.

marks.arnulfo

Hi everyone,

I'm a 30-year-old bisexual mother of two children, ages 10 and 12. I came out to them about two years ago, and it was a really difficult conversation for me, but I knew it was necessary.

I approached the conversation by talking to them about what it means to be bisexual, and how it's possible to feel attraction to people of different genders. They were a bit confused at first, but I explained it to them in a way that was age-appropriate, and they were able to understand what I was trying to say.

One thing that helped me was to emphasize that love is love, and that it's okay to be attracted to anyone, regardless of their gender. I also talked to them about stereotypes, and how they can be harmful, and how important it is to respect people's differences.

At first, they were a bit unsure of how to react, but with time, they were able to understand that this didn't change our relationship at all. They have been incredibly supportive, and we even went to our first Pride parade together last year.

My advice to anyone thinking about coming out to their children is to approach the conversation with an open mind and an open heart. Be prepared for questions, and be ready to listen to your children's concerns. Remember that your children love you for who you are, and that your sexuality doesn't change that. With patience and love, you can help them to understand and be accepting of your identity as a queer parent.

linnie41

Hi there,

I am a 47-year-old gay dad of two teenage girls, and I remember how terrifying it was to come out to them. I wanted to be honest with them, but I also didn't want to be judged or treated differently.

I approached the conversation by talking about my experiences growing up and how difficult it was to accept my own identity. I explained that I am attracted to men and that this doesn't change who I am as a person or as a father.

My daughters had a lot of questions, but ultimately, they were very accepting and supportive. They even introduced me to their friends as their "gay dad," which made me feel proud.

One thing that helped me was to have open and honest conversations with them, so they felt comfortable asking me anything they wanted. It helped me to dispel any myths or stereotypes they might have had about LGBTQIA+ people.

My advice to other parents is to remember that you are still the same person you always were. Coming out might change some things, but it's important to remember that your children still love you for who you are. Be patient, take your time, and remember that everyone has their own process of acceptance, so don't be discouraged if it takes some time for your children to adjust.

libbie.collier

Hey there,

I am a 25-year-old lesbian who came out to my six-year-old daughter about a year ago. It took me a long time to work up the courage to have the conversation, and I was really nervous about how she would react.

I started by reading children's books that included LGBTQIA+ characters, like "And Tango Makes Three" and "Heather Has Two Mommies." This allowed us to have subtle conversations about different family structures and love in a non-confrontational way.

Once I felt like she had a basic understanding of same-sex relationships, I sat her down and told her that I loved women in the way that she might love a boy someday. She was initially confused, and asked if that meant I didn't love her dad anymore. I reassured her that I still loved him deeply, but that I loved women, too.

She was a bit nervous about what other people might think or say, but we talked about how it's okay to be different and how everyone deserves to be loved for who they are.

Overall, it went better than I could have imagined, and my daughter has been incredibly supportive. She even made me a rainbow bracelet to help me remember to be brave and be myself.

My advice to others is to take things slowly and trust your instincts. Kids are often more perceptive than we give them credit for, and they will pick up on your attitude toward your own identity. By approaching the conversation with confidence and love, you can help your child to be accepting and supportive of who you are.

gust.deckow

Hello everyone,

I'm a 43-year-old father who recently made the decision to come out to my four children, who range from ages 7 to 14. It was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had, but it was also incredibly empowering for me.

My approach was direct and honest. I told them that I had been hiding a secret from them for a long time, but that I needed to come clean because it was causing me a lot of emotional pain to hold it inside. I explained to them that I am attracted to men, and that this is a part of who I am.

Their reaction was a bit mixed. My older children were supportive and accepting, but my younger ones were confused and a bit scared. We spent a lot of time talking about what it means to be gay, what it means to be straight, and how love and relationships work. We also talked a lot about stereotypes, and how important it is to recognize and respect everyone's differences.

It's been a few months since our conversation, and I'm happy to say that my children have been incredibly supportive. I'm so glad that I came out to them, and that we were able to have an open and honest dialogue about who I am.

My advice to anyone thinking about coming out to their children is to be patient, and to be ready to answer a lot of questions. Be honest about your feelings, but also be prepared to listen to your children's feelings and concerns. Coming out is a process, and it's important to take things one step at a time.

pbruen

Hey there,

I'm a 32-year-old bisexual mother of a 2-year-old toddler, and I haven't come out to her yet as I believe it's too early to do so.

But I have been open about my sexuality with my partner and close friends since I embraced this part of my identity a few years ago. I believe that by being open and accepting of myself, I am setting a good example for my child and teaching her that it's important to be true to yourself.

When the time comes to talk to her about my sexuality, I plan on approaching the conversation in a simple and age-appropriate way. I will probably use stories or books that include diverse families and relationships to help her see that there are many different ways to be a family.

Ultimately, my goal is to create an environment of love and acceptance in my home, where my child feels free to be whoever they are, regardless of gender or sexuality.

My advice to anyone who hasn't come out to their children yet but wants to is to trust your instincts and wait until your child is old enough to understand what you're saying. And even if it's still early days, it's still important to be true to yourself because your children look up to you and learn from your actions.

nnicolas

Hi there,

Thank you for opening up this topic. I can relate to your experience as a queer parent. I came out to my children, who were 10 and 12 years old at the time, a few years ago. It was a difficult decision, but I knew I had to be honest with them.

I approached the conversation by sitting down with them and explaining that I am attracted to people of the same gender. I assured them that my love for them would never change and that I am still the same person they have always known. I also answered any questions they had and emphasized that this was about me and not them.

Their initial reaction was shock and confusion, but they quickly adapted and became supportive. They have even attended Pride events with me and my partner.

My advice would be to wait until your children are old enough to understand the concept of sexuality before coming out. Also, reassure them that your love for them is unwavering and that this is a part of who you are that doesn't change anything about your relationship with them.

I hope this helps!

sydnee63

Hello!

I am a 28-year-old nonbinary person who hasn't yet come out to my children, but I am planning on doing it soon. I have two kids, ages 6 and 8.

I am approaching the situation by taking my time and figuring out the best way to explain my gender identity to them. For me, it's not so much about being queer as it is about being nonbinary, but the process of coming out is similar.

I plan on explaining to my children that there isn't just "girl" or "boy," but that people can fall anywhere on the gender spectrum. I will use examples from our everyday life, like how we choose what to wear or how we act, to help them understand that gender is a social construct and that it's okay not to fit into specific boxes.

I'm not sure how my children will react, but I am hopeful that they will be accepting. I am lucky to have a supportive partner who is also nonbinary, so we can approach the conversation together.

My advice to others who are planning on coming out to their children is to trust your instincts and be true to yourself. Kids are resilient and adaptable, and as long as you approach the conversation with kindness and honesty, they will likely surprise you with how accepting they can be.

I hope this helps someone who might be struggling with the same thing!

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